United slip to defeat at St Bernadettes Old Boys

St Bernadettes Old Boys 36 Weston United 12

Once again, I find myself pulling together the best description I can offer of the United's performance for the last game of the season only on this occasion; I am observing the game from Weston Rugby Club, some 20 miles away from the pitch. Most of what I say, as I'm raising my first glass of the fine Thatchers Gold at 12:30, is completely fictitious, but like most weeks, at least this will be a constant.

Pre-match preparation was fantastic as I enjoyed a smashing three-course meal at the Railway in Sanford. Wild mushroom starter, fish n chips and apple crumble with cider custard, those fellas at Thatchers can't help themselves pushing the apples. Now it was all washed down with a couple of pints of shandy as I volunteered to drive.

However, this allowed me to observe the elf-like team manager Ann Davies guzzle Guinness, free of the driving responsibility and relaxing in her natural environment. It wasn't long before Ann was at full steam telling me what a great bloke I am and a legend of a player; ok, so possibly not a great connoisseur of the game. Eventually tagged her with Philpy, another expert in the game. Thanks to Sam Waterman and all the Vets that attended, a great evening.

As I start my second gold pre-1st XV against Barum, I'm watching the Weston Roses under 14's successfully beat the Gloucester Hurricanes. I hoped they wouldn't be the last winning team at the Rec today. The Vets were smashing Hornets Vets last week, and they are the last senior winning team at home this season.

Looking at the United line-up, we have the usual suspects, and again, this game carries the weight of relegation, with St Bernadette's one place above United in the league table. The backs see the return of Tom Blyth and Jack Bridgman on the opposite wing. Knowing Jack and the fact he does seem to get very hot when drinking post-match, we all hoped that he'd be able to keep his clothes on this week and that late at night back in the clubhouse after some serious refreshment, he wouldn't appear naked and possibly offend someone ? .

Sam Garrett also returns after a few weeks with the 1st team, having given a great account of himself. There is an effort here for the United to field Backs in Backs positions and it's a shame the bench couldn't continue the support. The forwards are benefiting with Callum Bliss-Climo returning to his natural flanker position.

A great mate of Jack Bridgeman and a constant campaigner against social injustice, let's hope he can remain clothed post-match and a supporting, if brief, streak-style chanted protest is not witnessed, ? . Ross Chester returns to the fray in the boiler, and we are all hoping the team aren't faced with a 'sthlippery, sthlidy, sthodden pitch", as Ross expressing the same will only cause more flooding, and I think we are all fed up with the rain.

On the bright side, Ross is looking forward to the end of the season and a "sthuper, sthunny, Sthpainish holiday" with lots of "Sthangria, sthocialising and sthexy time". A strong bench backs up the team with all players set to play their part.

With a 15:00 KO for the last game of the season and St. Bernadette's playing on the old Bristol Airport, the United were feeling exposed to the wind building and the hike out across the old runway to the pitch. Unfortunately, the game started to appear the way it had been two weeks ago at Huish; United started to concede tries, suffered a lack of ball, and tackled shadows.

St. Bernadette pulled away to a 24-0 lead in the first half, and although no idea is a bad idea, the offer from Blyth that the United wingers should swap was met with little enthusiasm. At the end of the half, a little light saw Tilsley send a grubber kick through for Garrett, who was running strongly to collect and record the United's first game points, but extras were missed.

Half Time St Bernadette's 24 - 5 United

The second half started better, with United able to connect some phases of play. Building from the KO, the United retained possession with a final pick and go from Alex Goss to cross the whitewash and Tilsley collecting the extras. A point of note: well done to Alex for travelling from Cardiff most weekends to play for the United, and this effort is appreciated, but well done for volunteering to spend extra time getting in a car with Nashy and enduring that journey.

I hope to speak to you next season; as a failing on my part, I don't know whether you are a Druid or a proud dragon slayer like St George. All that being said, well done to the Hobbit-like no. 8.

St Bernadette's 24 - 12 United

That was to be the end of the game for the United, and St Bernadette's went on to score a further two tries, one converted to reach a final tally of 36. The United, like the 1st team, are resigned to relegation. We can all look at the conditions, potentially the referee, not getting the rub of the green, but all of this is irrelevant.

If we want to win, drink sweeter beer and grin from ear to ear, we need to become a team, train together, work hard, learn to leave the mobile phone alone, strive for a simpler physical reward and take it on to the pitch. Everything we do is a learning exercise, and if nothing else, this bruising season, often against more mature and worldly oppositions, should stand our younger team in good stead to build and move forward.

Players have certainly improved; Blyth, the bomb was defused, ended the season with a good little personal try tally, and Vinnie Jones pulled on a u20's Somerset jersey; well done both, build on this. It was great to have Charlie Owens back in the pack, and his stampeding charges are not unnoticed.

We need old heads, and too often, this is the reliable Donny, passing on his wisdom and a rock in the scrums (where's my patio quote?). You did have some success, fellas. Reflect on the wins and what worked well, and come together for the club dinner; there's a kitty to drink, and you have a great connection; enjoy the break and build enthusiasm for the next season.

Full Time St Bernadette's 36 - 12 United

Thank you to our hosts, St Bernadette's; congratulations on your win, avoiding relegation and good luck next season. Thank you to Ann Davies, Team Manager, who was ever-present and often frustrated but always has your back; Simon Hudson, moving into the coaching role but often joining the field of play; and Sam Waterman, running touch and inputting changes with the bench, again feeling the defeats personally. Sore bones Paul Whatley who we appreciate with insulation tape in one hand and a wet sponge in the other, great support.

I've enjoyed covering these last few games; if it works, I'll be back next season.

Backs Sam Hedges, Jack Bridgman, Sam Garrett, Huw Matthews, Tom Blyth, Archie Tilsley, PJ Grimes
Forwards Charlie Owens, Rhys Matthews, Harry Nash, Vinnie Jones, Ross Cheshire, Jacob Simpson, Callum Bliss-Climo, Alex Goss Reps Steve Donegan, Mark Walker, Rob Blackborow.

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